some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
God I need to hump something, right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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