I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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