was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
