She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
