The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
