dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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