she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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