god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
