Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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