pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
