guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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