Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
