between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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