2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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