this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
