I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
