Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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