My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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