It was confusing and full of hummus
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
