My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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