i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she told me i tasted like america
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
