Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize