So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
