she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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