Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
