Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
