Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
