i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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