Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
