I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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