ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
