are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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