Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
