You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
