Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
