youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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