Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i've created a new STD.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
