I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
