Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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