so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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