All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
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I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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