either way he was missing a nipple.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
