Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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