Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
