I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
