Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
