i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
