she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's a Shit stain on my heart
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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