Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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