I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
