I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
