he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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