Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
