Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
