my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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