what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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