sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
