she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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