She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
