I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
