Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
