Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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