i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
