You smell like a Billy Joel song
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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