I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
