Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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