I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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