I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
