i may or may not be watching the land before time
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
