Im at strip club and am horny
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
