They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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