There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
