hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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