also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
did i walk over a car last night?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
