What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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