I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
