just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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