so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
